


She Loves You, Not Me

by notalotgoingon



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alaska’s rich, Alcohol, F/F, Lesbian AU, One sided Katlaska, cis female au, kinda angst, restaurant AU, shalaska
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25550848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalotgoingon/pseuds/notalotgoingon
Summary: Katya works at a fancy restaurant, and Alaska will go broke going to see her. Or, Alaska doesn’t know whether she wants to stay with Sharon or not and vice versa. Battling her own romantic feelings, Katya desperately tries to save their dying relationship.
Relationships: Alaska Thunderfuck 5000/Katya Zamolodchikova, Courtney Act/Willam Belli, Sharon Needles/Alaska Thunderfuck 5000
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	She Loves You, Not Me

The hanging lights cast a white hue over the entire restaurant. Every table was made of old fashioned floorboards recovered from an 18th century farmhouse. Despite that, every bit of the place screeched modern. From the beautiful copper tile work on the accent wall, to the sunroof over the bar, and the art hanging over the seashell shaped booths, the place was every millennial’s dream. It was also every millennial’s fantasy since the price range was upwards from seven hundred dollars when dining alone. 

While many frequented the place on anniversaries, holidays, or birthdays, no patron was liable to be seen twice or even thrice a month, yet there is always an exception to the rule. Her name was Alaska, and she never gave a last one. Well known throughout the restaurant as being an excellent tipper on her extravagant meals, every waiter would jump at the chance to serve her. 

It was easy to spot her from the second her mile-long tanned leg emerged from the black SUV she had arranged for that night. Then, when the towering pile of slightly tangled, yet chic and gorgeous, hair could be seen through the glass entryway, the hostess called in her best server to have the pleasure of waiting upon Alaska. For nearly eight months, she had called forth Willam to take the role, a smooth talking, pretty blonde who liked to dye her own hair at the ends. However, Willam had taken leave to travel with her new wife, Courtney, so that left a spot empty.

This time, she called one of the newer servers to the counter, a beautiful woman named Katya with a wild sense of humor and eyebrow raising fashion choices.

“Katya Zamo,” the waitress whispered into her earpiece, “you’re going to want to take this one.”

As soon as Alaska’s ostrich feather coat entered the room, Katya was already at the first step of the stairs, taking in the girl. She was slim, her makeup was flawless, and the floor length black gown read Met Gala.

“A new one? Where’s Willam?” Her voice is heavenly, Katya declared internally.

“On leave, honeymooning with Courtney. For now, we’ll leave you in the competent hands of Katya.”

“Thank you, Jinkx.”

She handed Jinkx a hundred dollar bill, and Katya could have squealed, not because of the money, but because the legendary Alaska was standing before her. Everyone knew about her in the restaurant, and Willam was quite the star for regaling them with tales about her. 

Although Willam was always more than willing to share every detail from what she wore to what she ate, nobody knew a lot about Alaska’s personal life. Apparently, she and Jinkx had been close friends up until their last year of high school, but they had patched up their relationship. Jinkx chose not to tell too much about her friend’s personal life, and everyone respected that.

“Katya,” Jinkx pointed to the table for two with a perfect view of oncoming sailboats, “the usual table.”

Without speaking, Katya did as she was told and escorted Alaska through the bustling restaurant to the seat that was always open for her.

“Are you new?” Alaska glanced at the menu once before requesting. “Filet with the lump crab meat and a Shirley Temple.”

“I’ve been working here for three months now,” Katya answered shyly, recording the order in her tablet.

“Also, bring out some bread. Are you from Russia? You sound like it.”

“I spent two years there during college.”

“What’d you major in?”

“I’m a premed student, and I’m saving up to finish my last year,” she shared, a bit sad that in a month she would have to go back.

“Sounds nice.”

“It is most of the time. I’ll bring your drink out.”

One hour and a two Shirley Temples later, Alaska asked Katya to sit down with her. She agreed after checking with Jinkx. They made polite conversation until Alaska declared herself full.

“Could you please run and put in a to-go order? It’s for my cat, Cerrone.”

“Of course, what would you like?”

“Salmon with the asparagus in a separate container.”

“Right, I’ll tell the kitchen.”

After the boxes had been delivered to Alaska’s table, she started telling stories reminiscent of her teenage years.

“We loved classic movies, me and Jinkx. We even auditioned for the talent show with the Broadway song, well, I forget which. All I know is we didn’t make it in because the host was prejudiced against blondes.”

It was relaxing to sit there and listen to Alaska’s ramblings.

“You know, Katya, once, Jinkx tried to petition a bar to rename Shirley Temples into Judy Garlands. It didn’t go through as you can see.”

“Really? I mean, I knew she was passionate about her, but that’s just, wow,” Katya listened eagerly to Alaska’s stories until her last one.

While the blonde was counting out the money for the meal, she steered the conversation a different route, “I have to tell you something, the to-go order isn’t for my cat. Well, it is, but mainly, it’s for my girlfriend Sharon. I can’t lie.”

“Oh,” Katya nodded, pretending her hopes were not crushed underneath the other girl’s five inch stilettos, “that’s fine. Why didn’t you say so?”

“Because I don’t know if she’ll even be home tonight.”

Alaska left the money, one thousand dollars, more than enough to cover the bill and tip, on the table before toting the paper bag away. Katya noticed she didn’t wave at Jinkx on the way out, just nodded and shoved the door open. The SUV arrived a few moments later, long enough for Katya to have run out and apologized for upsetting her, but she didn’t. 

Sometimes, she thinks back and wishes she had gone out, but she probably wouldn’t have made it before Alaska’s vehicle drove away.

“How’d it go, Katya?” Jinkx leaned over the counter. “She didn’t rough you up too much, right?”

“No, it was lovely. She’s like, I don’t even know, an angel. Just sucks you in and makes you wanna pay attention to her.”

“Yeah, she’s got that effect on people.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when I first met her, I was this dorky, narcoleptic, Jewish kid from Seattle, and she took me under her wing.”

Katya’s heart thudded with affection for the wonderful human being she had spoken with only a few moments prior, and she was determined to learn more about her, “What else? You said she had that effect on people, plural.”

“Yeah,” Jinkx smiled, reminiscing, “she’s always been sweet and generous. She was the investor behind Courtney’s company, actually. Willam wouldn’t be half rich right now if Alaska hadn’t spent a fortune on patents, marketing, and inventory.”

“Wow, that’s so nice of her,” with every detail of Alaska’s sincerity, Katya’s happiness grew.

“She even helped out Sharon. Do you know about her?”

There it was Katya reminded herself, the glaringly obvious reason she and Alaska were not meant to be, the girlfriend who owned her heart.

“She was mentioned.”

“Well, back in the day, Sharon was broke. Like couldn’t pay her rent, cards declining left and right, it was awful. Of course, that was before I knew her. She and Alaska met in Pittsburgh, and they moved over here. Then, Alaska helped pay for this restaurant here.”

Katya slumped down farther on the leather couch. Of course, she thought, it was silly to imagine her and Alaska together. She had a girlfriend, Katya was still in college, and there was absolutely no hope for her.

“How old is she?” She shouldn’t have asked, should’ve stopped the conversation, gone home, and forgotten all about the gorgeous blonde.

“Twenty-five.”

There’s a chance, the hopeless romantic in Katya spoke up. You should’ve gone after her, whispered the little voice. However, it did not matter whether or not she ventured into the darkness because the following week, Alaska returned.

“Jinkxy,” she whined, “it’s raining.”

“I’m not God or Bette Davis, I can’t control the weather,” the redhead shrugged.

“But my coat’s wet. And it’s blue velvet!”

“I’ll take it to the coat room and see what I can do.”

“You’re a life-saver. Really, what would I do without you?”

“Well, your dinners would be much more bland.”

Alaska watched her go before turning around and finding Katya.

“Hey, can you take a poor girl’s order?” Her long eyelashes fluttered while her plump lips formed a pretty smile.

If Katya wasn’t already head over heels, she would have melted right then and there on the overpriced tiles.

“Sure. Same table?” Her voice was trained not to shake.

“Yes. But I’m thinking of switching it up tonight. Let’s go with the linguini and the shrimp. Fresh caught, right?”

“Always.”

Somehow, the two ended up in the same position as the week before, across from each other.

“So, how long have you been coming here?” Katya asked, curious about the mysterious woman’s past.

“Since it opened, really. Jinkx keeps me fed, I pay the rent. Well, that’s not exactly true.” Alaska paused and bit her lip. “I used to pay the rent in the early days. Jinkx didn’t have many customers back then, and she really believed in this place. Still does.

“I think it really picked up about a year ago when she upped all the prices. Then, people saw it less as a seafood place down the way and more of a fancy bar-restaurant kind of thing to brag about.”

“That’s really sweet that you would do that for Jinkx.”

“She’s done a lot for me over the years. I moved back to Pittsburgh, and she called me over here to LA. We booked some gigs together. She sings like a bird, ever heard her?”

Jinkx loved to have live bands, and occasionally, she would join them for her favorite tunes.

“Oh, yeah, she’s amazing. Everyone loves it when she performs. Although, she doesn’t really do it anymore.”

“Yeah,” Alaska nodded sadly, “I know. I wish she would because I’d like to join her one night.”

“So what kind of gigs would you guys do?”

“Well, it was just us going to like nightclubs and performing. It was a good for a while.”

“Oh? What happened then?”

“Well, we stopped getting booked, and Jinkx was way too proud to take my handouts. Willam helped her.”

“Really?” Katya was shocked because as far as she knew, Willam had always worked at the restaurant.

“Yeah, that was when Willam was still acting. She got Jinkx this production job for the movie she was filming. Now that she’s met Courtney, money’s probably flowing from her ears.”

“Courtney actually owns a hair company or something. Wigs, I think.”

“I know,” Alaska’s smile faded, “Sharon wears them sometimes.”

“Oh.”

“No, don’t feel bad, Katya. It’s just rough lately. Between us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, there’s nothing that can be done now. Just have to wait and see, I guess.”

“Did you want anything for Cerrone?” Katya asked, fully meaning Sharon.

“Salmon again for the cat,” Alaska didn’t smile, fully meaning Sharon

“Got it.”

Two weeks went by with one visit from Alaska that followed in the same way as the others.

The door opened one night, quite later than the other three times Alaska had come in.

“Lasky, what’s wrong?” Jinkx was at her friend’s side instantly, a position Katya was sure she would have killed to be in.

The blonde was crying, her mascara running and lipstick all but gone, “She’s gone.”

Katya would have dropped a tray if she had been holding one. Of course, her first reaction was to yell at Sharon, tell her how she was missing out on the stunning, intelligent individual before her. She wanted to call her and explain how silly it was to pass up on being with someone as amazing as Alaska, but she didn’t. Instead, she prepared the table in the back with a perfect view of incoming sailboats.

“Hey, Katya, I think I want to sit at the bar today,” Alaska sobbed.

“Okay,” she nodded, moving towards the expensive bar that Jinkx had squealed over when she first paid for it.

“Look, look, Katya, it’s so beautiful!” She had exclaimed in the early morning before any customers had arrived.

“Yeah, is that marble?”

“Oh, yes, it’s to die for.”

All Katya could think about was the sad girl on the other side of the beautiful marble counter.

“What would you like?”

Alaska blinked, “I haven’t had a drink in...a year. Or two. But a glass of cognac please.”

She poured the amber liquid into a crystal glass, her second time playing bartender. After three glasses and no talking, Katya began to get nervous.

“Are you sure you should be drinking? Don’t you have to get home?”

“I have a driver, and I don’t think I’m going back any time soon,” Alaska slurred.

“I’m going to get Jinkx.”

Alaska pulled at the other girl’s arm, “Don’t leave me again.”

“Again?” Katya raised her eyebrows in confusion.

“You need to stop leaving me.”

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

“You’re not wearing the sweater I bought you,” Alaska pouted over her empty glass.

Katya shook her head, “You never-“

“Yes, I did,” the blonde countered, “yesterday, Sharon. It’s cashmere.”

“I’m not...” she trailed off.

“Stop leaving me, Sharon!”

“Jinkx, please help me!” Katya called through the empty restaurant.

“Katya, what...” Jinkx came forward. “Why is Alaska drunk?”

“I’m sorry, it was just one, and then she asked for two more, and I didn’t know she couldn’t handle it.”

“Stop yelling, Sharon.”

The redhead’s jaw dropped, “She thinks you’re...of course she does. Okay, Sharon, why don’t we get her out of here?”

“No, Sharon, I want to stay! Please, pretty please, Sharon, just let me stay this one time,” Alaska begged.

“I’m not-“

“No,” Jinkx interrupted, “it’s best if we let her think that you’re her. She tends to throw tantrums when things don’t work out her way.”

“Do not,” the girl in question protested.

“Get up, Lasky,” Jinkx pulled her elbow lightly.

“I want Sharon.”

“Katya,” her eyes flickered about, searching for a solution, “just, just be Sharon, okay?”

“I don’t even know her.”

“Well, Alaska doesn’t know her either right now, so get in character.”

“Fine.” She relented. “Lasky, let’s go home now, okay?”

Any other time, Katya would have been over the moon to escort Alaska home, to see the glamour she lived in. That being said, Katya wanted to do it as Katya, not Sharon, not the girlfriend who left that Alaska had gotten drunk and cried over.

“Okay, Sharon, I wanna go home with you.”

“Remind me, where do you-I mean we-live?” Katya had a limp Alaska leaning fully against her.

“Sharon,” she stretched the syllables, “you’re silly. We live...um...over there.”

Katya followed her gaze before landing on a brand new apartment building, “Right there?”

“No, behind there and like left?” The blonde muttered to herself.

“Okay, I’ll get my car and take you there.”

“But you’ll stay with me, right?”

It was hard to look into those big brown eyes and say no, so Katya didn’t, “Of course.”

Knock-kneed already, Alaska found it difficult to walk when drunk, so Katya bore the weight of her willowy frame.

“Is your driver coming soon? We’ve been standing here for ten minutes,” she complained, with good reason.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Sharon, you know Detox is always late,” came the stuttered reply.

“Did her parents name her that?”

“No, silly. Look, there she is!” Alaska supported herself on the wall behind them while vigorously waving to the dark SUV. “Hey, Detox!”

“Alaska, what’s going on? When you called me,” the neon haired woman noticed Katya, drastically smaller next to Alaska, “you sounded drunk.”

Katya bit her lip, “I’m sorry, it wasn’t-I didn’t-she-“

“Get in. Put her in the back. Alaska, if you throw up in my car, I swear to God I’ll burn your house down.”

A mostly passed out Alaska slouched into the back seat while Katya made herself as small as possible to avoid Detox’s pointed stare in the rear view mirror.

“So, Blondie, tell me how she ended up like this. No, first, tell me who the heck you are.”

“I’m Katya. I work here, and she comes in sometimes. It was a slow night because it’s like three in the morning, and Alaska was upset. She started ordering alcohol-“

“How much?” She exasperatedly inquired. “Ugh. This is like high school all over again.”

“Three glasses of cognac. What do you mean? Was Alaska an alcoholic?” Katya couldn’t help but ask out of fear she had started a chain of horrible events.

As she drove, Detox started laughing, “No, no, sorry I gave you the wrong idea. Alaska was just very wealthy, at least, more than the rest of us. She liked to show off her parent’s expensive stuff, like their alcohol, but she was never into the stuff.”

“Oh,” she nodded, filling in more pieces of the puzzle that was Alaska’s life.

“Pretty little rich girl. Glad she’s not awake, she’d kill me for saying that. Lightweight too, apparently, nothing’s changed.”

“Detox, when did you start driving for her?”

With a flick of her bobbed neon green hair, Detox answered, “When did you become Nancy Drew? Never mind, it was about six years ago maybe. I was in a really terrible place, mentally and physically, but she got my life back on track.”

“Seems to be a common theme,” Katya mused, thinking about Willam, Jinkx, Sharon, Courtney, and now Detox.

“Yeah, just can’t help herself, has to pick up every stray she sees.”

Detox sounded angry, exhaling sharply through her nose. Alaska began to mutter in her unconscious state, flinging her left arm about in the confined space.

“We’re almost there, by the way.”

The end of the road was approaching, and Katya’s imagination ran wild, picturing pink Barbie Dream-houses and leopard print manors. When she finally took in Alaska’s house, mansion, really, her breath was taken away. A fancy automated gate revealed the grand three story building. Every window looked stolen from a Disney princess’s castle, and the landscaping was flawless, not a blade of grass out of place.

“Woah.”

“Yeah, I’m still not used to it.”

“That fountain is incredible,” Katya soaked up the glamor as best she could.

Everything she saw was beautiful, even with only the moon to light it.

“You ought to see the chandelier. Made in Paris, one of a kind, real diamonds from what I’ve heard. Sold her soul to get it, she did,” Detox pulled into the driveway that could have been its own interstate.

“Thanks for taking us here. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten her back without you.”

“No worries, kid,” she went around to unlock the doors, “now comes the real struggle.”

“What?” Katya climbed down slowly.

“You have to make sure she doesn’t jump off the balcony.”

“Has she done that before?”

“Not for lack of trying.” Detox deadpanned. “I’m joking. Seriously, though, Sharon’s not here. Alaska’s like a child. If somebody isn’t catering to her every need, she’ll throw a tantrum, and I’ll hear it fifteen miles down the road. Watch after her.”

“I’ve never taken care of a drunk person,” Katya was internally screaming for a way out.

“It’s a good time to learn then.”

After hauling Alaska into the incredible entryway where the famed chandelier hung, Katya hoped there would be servants to help her. Unfortunately, no maids or butlers came scurrying down the towering staircase.

“Hello, anyone there?” Katya called. “Help me!”

Receiving no response, she managed not to gape at the marble floors that definitely cost more than her student loan debt in twenty years would and move Alaska into the living room. At least, it was the room directly through the center archway that stretched at least a massive twenty feet up.

“Come on, let’s go,” Katya encouraged herself, knowing there was nobody who could hear her.

The two collapsed onto a modern sectional that had a perfect view of the television that took up nearly an entire wall. Not that she would stay long enough to enjoy it, Katya reminded herself. The archway to her left yielded a stunning view of the kitchen with gray cabinetry.

“That’s not even a sink,” she muttered, “that’s a waterfall.”

Before she could explore the interior more, Alaska started groaning.

“My head hurts. I need an aspirin.”

Katya ran to retrieve the medication. It’s to help Alaska, she reminded herself, not so that she could prolong the time before the hungover girl noticed the stranger in her house.

“Where’s Sharon? Why are you here?” The barrage of questions began when Katya returned with water and pills once she had opened every cabinet and drawer in the kitchen.

“Well, she, I think, must have gone out. You came by the restaurant and wanted something to drink. I thought you could handle it. I’m so sorry.”

“Not your fault, mine,” Alaska waved her apologies off with a perfectly manicured hand.

They didn’t speak for a while until Katya’s curiosity got the best of her.

“Why did Sharon leave?”

“What?”

Katya immediately backtracked, “I’m sorry if that’s invasive. You don’t have to answer-“

“It’s fine,” Alaska cuddled into a throw pillow, and Katya had never wanted to be an object more, “really, it’s fine. It’s been like this for a while, six months maybe. We argue, she leaves, and I won’t know what to do. And I’ll cry or whatever and call her. Then, she comes back, drunk usually, and apologizes. Well, that’s not true, normally I’m the one who says sorry.

“This time was different. She didn’t throw a fit or argue with me. I looked up, and she was gone.” She paused. “Do you have a ride home, Katya? I can take you in the morning. Well, I guess it’s already morning, but you know what I mean.”

“I’ll just call an Uber.”

An unknown voice flooded the room, “Lasky, I’m home!”

Clearly though, Alaska knew who the speaker was because her features tensed up, “Katya, whatever happens, just know I love her. She says things she doesn’t mean.”

She nodded, unsure of whether to run or hide. Then, Sharon saw the two, on the couch together, and her gaze froze on the unknown twenty-something beside her girlfriend.

“What are you doing here?”

“Sharon, don’t, I’ll explain later,” Alaska mumbled, defeated though the battle had not begun, or maybe, Katya thought, she’s signing the peace treaty to avoid the war.

Katya took in the woman. Her shoulders were muscular and her legs toned. The pale color of her skin only added to her obvious beauty. Black lipstick was smeared in some places and completely wiped off in others. Her eye makeup was intact, and the dark liner framed her anger perfectly. She could have been mistaken for a model or movie star with her curly black locks.

However, Katya soon remembered how she looked to Sharon. If this was a film, it was a romance one, and she was undeniably the other woman.

“No, I want her to do it.”

Realizing she was being directed to speak, Katya’s mind floundered for an excuse that would allow her to keep her head but settled on the truth, “I work at a restaurant. Alaska came in and ordered some drinks. She got really intoxicated, so Jinkx called Detox, and we took her home. That’s all, I promise.”

“Fine.”

Satisfied that her neck was still intact, Katya relaxed slightly, but Alaska winced in preparation.

“Now get out,” Sharon moved to give Katya a full view of the front door.

Expecting Alaska to defend her or at the very least, offer a goodbye, Katya was quickly let down. The blonde was inspecting her glass of water like it was a Faberge egg, paying no mind to the debacle next to her.

“Okay.”

Once again, Alaska remained silent and lifeless like a doll while Sharon was happy to show Katya the way out.

Sharon even followed her onto the front porch before slamming the door, “Don’t come back, this isn’t something you need to be messing with.”

“Sharon, she really loves you, okay?” Katya’s tone, which she intended to sound harsh and mean, broke into a pleading murmur. “Like more than anything. So get back in there, and don’t you ever leave her. A million people would kill to have her love them like that.”

“One waitress doesn’t make a million,” Sharon sneered.

“Alright, maybe not, but it’s your loss if you leave her in there,” Katya shrugged.

“I’m not going to leave her. I’m going right back in. To my house.”

“Is it though?” She pressed, seeing how far she could go in a moment of bitter envy and a need to make Sharon angry.

Sharon quirked a eyebrow, “Don’t talk about things you don’t understand.”

“Maybe I understand perfectly.” Katya was totally sober, but all of her logical thinking had gone out the door with her. “Maybe I understand that you were a total junkie in Pittsburgh until Alaska, out of the kindness of her heart, decided to take you in like a stray dog. Maybe I understand that she loves you, and you would rather get drunk every night than actually speak to her.”

“And what do you suggest I do?” Maybe it was meant as a sarcastic end to the conversation, but Katya took it as motivation to press on.

“Take her out to dinner.”

Sharon scoffed, “To the restaurant you work at? Yeah, so you can ogle her all night.”

“Only because you’re never there.”

Oh, no, Katya thought, there it is, I basically just admitted to being interested in her girlfriend. 

An empty beat passed before Sharon folded her arms, “Are you done?”

Still invigorated by the unfairness of the situation, Katya relented, “Yeah, yeah, I’m done.”

“Good, now go call an Uber or something because I’m done talking to you.”

“She loves you, not me. It’s never been me. Every time we’ve ever spoken, it’s been about you or Jinkx, but it’s never fully about us. Think about that.”

Without a second thought, Katya turned and left and let Sharon win. Though later she would remember that Sharon had won long ago before Katya even knew Alaska, she raised the symbolic white flag on her way down the driveway. Sharon had already bested her since she had Alaska, something Katya never would.

On the ride home, Katya hoped Alaska would return to the restaurant, just so she could see her again, a good memory to go away on, a dream just out of her reach.

Alaska did, in fact, come back with a woman on her arm. Sharon, Katya labeled, her heart breaking. The big glass doors did a poor job of hiding the blatant affection in Alaska’s doe eyes. It was directed at the pale woman beside her who draped her left arm over the slightly taller girl’s slim form with love radiating from her eyes too.

“Hey, Katya, you don’t have to take this one if you don’t want to.” Jinkx informed her in a motherly tone. “I’ve got another job for you.”

“Really? What is it?”

Katya was desperate for an excuse to avoid eye contact with Alaska for the night, and maybe Jinkx would have one for her.

“We’ve got a new girl, Trixie, the blonde Dolly Parton lookalike,” the redhead pointed into the kitchen where Trixie was fumbling with a tray, “and I need you to train her.”


End file.
